Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Dear DC Comics...

I recently went into my LCS expecting to see the below cheesecake on the cover of my Uncle Sam and The Freedom Fighters #4.

The Original Cover.

What I received in its stead was the cover below.

The Lie Put Forth As Truth By The Corporation.

What I would like to see is the return of the promised breasts to the cover of Uncle Sam and The Freedom Fighters #4.

The above cover has everything to do with the story contained within but lacks the promise of July's solicitation of a pouty, latex-clad, big breasted woman and twenty-something pages of story. The replacement of the original cover with the one of the old man in a top hat playing grab-ass with a plane is unacceptable to me.

I will be returning said cover to my local retailer in the hopes of receiving a full refund or at the very least, the borrowing of said local retailer's copy of Maxim Magazine. I will not be a victim of your last minute "Superboy-punches-a-wall" bait and switch tactics, DC.

Signed,
A. Fanboy

Monday, October 30, 2006

From The Devon Archives Vol. 1



This is, perhaps, your and Lady Cop's finest moment. I ask Mike Wieringo sketches Lady Cop and we all benefit. Applying the Lady Cop jpg to your desktop is proven to protect your computer against all kinds of viruses and you against assorted V.D's.

...believe that.


*Please, don't believe that.

Friday, October 27, 2006

Chief Concerns


Good-bye, Super Chief. It was nice having you around. For that month. Yes, you wore a smelly ol' decapitated buffalo on your shoulders but hey, you pulled it off. And that's what made you so fabulously DC.

Now, I could go all Black Goliath-y and start complaining about how DC brought back a Native American character just to kill him but I won't. Somehow, with the likes of Grant Morrison, Mark Waid, Greg Rucka and Geoff Johns on board, the benefit of the doubt is a bit easier to give. Why? I truly believe it to somehow be part of some bigger plan. With those four, it just has to be.

IT JUST HAS TO BE!!!!!!

So, to Super Chief, I bid thee a fond farewell... until like... next month.

Or something.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

The Postman Did It.


Can YOU explain why Superman and this local postman are so chummy?

Thursday, October 19, 2006

I Suck.

Let me say what you're thinking.

"Devon sucks!"

Yup, I do. Two posts in the month of October constitutes sucking. At least in my world, anyways.

New content will, I promise, commence soon.

That being said, I propose a game, an old game. I recently finished re-reading Alan Moore's League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and it got me thinking:

"If, let's say, an extinction level event happens within the DC Universe and it wasn't necessarily a "job" for The Justice League, what characters would I use?"

I'd like for you to wonder the same.

Difficulty: The characters must contain some iconic value within The DCU. No Superman. No Batman. No "world-gobblers" like The Spectre. No pre-existing teams. No dead characters. The team can only be five to six characters deep.

...and, yes, you can pull from The Vertigo Universe.

Other than that, have at it.

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Grey Matters

So, what's right with this picture?

Is it...

A: Wildcat's actually looking the part of a heavyweight boxing champion?

B: Jay (Flash) Garrick's actually having something resembling a runner's build?

C: Alan (Green Lantern) Scott's hair being colored grey?

D: All of the above.

Thursday, October 05, 2006

Dead Prez

Let me get this out of the way: I love Prez to death. He's just one of those characters that if DC Comics lost their minds and allowed it, I'd write him for 34 cents and a handful of Jolly Ranchers. So imagine my surprise that while attending last month's Baltimore Comicon I came across...

The Greatest Comic Featuring Prez Of All Time!

Was illustrating the tallest phallus you could think of totally necessary in pointing out Supergirl's ample bosom? Yes!!!

This comic's cover also has a blonde in satin hip-hugger hot pants and a cape. You need nothing more.

Go away. Leave me.

Oh, you want more? I'll give you more!

All that you can handle.

Prez Rickard, Teen President is out meeting the people at a supermarket and promising to keep the price of a hot dog low.

It was the 70's, y'know. You simply had to keep the price of a hot dog low.

Can you handle Vandyre University student a hip-huggers wearing Linda Lee sneaking out of the TV room...

...to change into hot-pants wearing Supergirl? Can ya? What could have possibly have caused Supergirl to don the hot-pants of justice?

Why, Prez, of course.

Apparently, Supergirl's X-Ray Vision can see through a TV screen and not just see tubes and rat droppings but can also somehow, make out a gun hidden up a guy's sleeve who happens to be miles away. The redhead can hardly believe it her damned self, either. After Supergirl saves Prez from an assassin's bullet, you know what time it is...

It's time for "70's Little Black child TM *."

*Trademark DC Comics

Look out, Prez. My cousin's trying to mug you!


You know after reading this and First Issue Special #4 featuring Lady Cop, I am convinced that in the 70's the appearance of a small Black child was shorthand for "Dyno-mite! That White guy's alright."

That and I'm also 100% certain that Vince Colletta inked the 70's. Did Vince ever turn down an inking assignment?

Meanwhile, evil wears a moustache...

...and hangs out with crusty old women.

What follows next is, quite possibly, the flyest words ever to be written in the English language.

"Fire Cranial Cannon!"

Thank you, 1974 Cary Bates. For making my junk hard 32 years after the fact.

Elsewhere, a teenage girl drops a teenage boy from a great height.

It's like watching DeGrassi.

Wait, you know Supergirl can't go out like that. Like a common killer. Where's the hook?

Y'know, if I knew that my freedom were coming to an end and knowing the last thing I was going to see for a while were a jail cell's bars, I think I'd the time out to look back, reflect on the past and cop one last peek at Supergirl's boobs on the way out, too.

So, how does Supergirl resolve nearly killng the President of The United States?

By saying, "Sike, America!"

Sounds like politics to me.