Monday, November 07, 2005

Have You Seen Me?


Dr. Jenet Klyburn
Originally uploaded by Devon Sanders.
Hello, my name is Dr. Jenet Klyburn and I used to be important in The DC Universe. I was the head of research at S.T.A.R. Labs' Metropolis branch. Before The Crisis On Infinite Earths, heroes from all over used to come to me for my expertise in...well...just about everything.

I mean, I used to be somebody. Now, post-Crisis, I've been relegated to a guest appearance in Power Company #5.

My last app...*choke* *sob* appearance was in The Power Company. Dammit, a dog deserves better than that. Did they find that cocaine? It wasn't mine! I have a doctorate, for God's sake! *choke*

*sigh*

I'll need a moment to adjust one of the many mini-skirts I wear while doing lab work. You know, one of the ones I wear which allows me to show off just how damned good Jose' Luis Garcia-Lopez is at drawing long legs like mine.

You don't understand. I used to work with the greats. Wherever there was a crisis, there I was, side-by-side, chin-stroking with the likes of Doc Magnus, Cave Carson. I was The DCU's resident expert of physics and... spelunking and...stuff.

In the 80's, they all used to come see me for whatever ailed them. Firestorm used to fly in all of the time, crying about how he just couldn't "transmute" like all of the other guys. I'd sit there, nodding my head, praying he'd learn how to "transmute" a "Shut the *uck up!"

Who taught Blue Devil to love being tall and horny?

Me.

Cyborg used to drop by all the time looking for some "tweakin'" That bit got tired real quick. He was no Black Lightning, let me tell you.

Superman, for some reason, used to stop by all the time. Asking for a full work-up. Funny thing, I could never find a single thing wrong with him. To this day, I cannot figure out why everytime he'd leave he'd wink and say something like "Blue" or "Pink" or "Cuffs and Collars." I just don't get that guy's Kryptonian sense of humor.

Understand this: They used to come see me. Not T.O. Morrow's crazy "make-a-crazy-ass robot" robot makin' ass.

Me. Dr. Jenet "Big Red" Klyburn.

Not Doc Magnus. Big ol' queen, by the way. I mean, that girl robot of his has practically been throwin' her mechanical ***** at him for forty years and all he does is puff harder on that pipe of his. You don't need a scientist to know what's up with that.

Doc Magnus, come out, you're gaeeeeyay! (Said to the tune of "Warriors! Come out and playeeeyay.)

Come on! There're worlds dyin' out there and where am I? Motherlovin' limbo, hair done, wearing my mini, dammit, that's where!

*sigh*

Can I come home?

Can I?

9 comments:

Scipio said...

You know,

you're right.

I mean, about Doc Magnus.

I think he's dating Roy Raymond...

kelvingreen said...

What's that she's got hanging around her neck?

Devon said...

A locket containing a drop of Billy Bob Thornton's blood.

Alex said...

This..was awesome.

Devon said...

Thank you, Alex!

SpiritGlyph said...

Come home? Baby, you can come home with me anytime!

What can I say, I've got a thing for Pre-Crisis redheads.

Mark "Puff" Anderson said...

Funny stuff.

It is always a shame when a good character gets thrown by the wayside.

Let me guess, she lost her Superman connection when John Byrne took over.

puff

Drew Bittner said...

LMAO

Anonymous said...

I love this page.