Thursday, November 30, 2006

The Shame!


We all have them. Badges. Things we wear on our sleeves to signify our pride, our accomplishments. Today, I would like to focus on the badges we hide. The ones that come wrapped in gold lame' dresses we wore to prom or the purple suits we proudly wore to that big job interview.

I speak of.... SHAME.

More specifically, COMIC BOOK SHAME. What I want to know is what is your most embarrasing comic book purchase.. EVAR?!?

How many copies of Ninjak#1 are gathering mold in your long box?

What was the most embarrasing comic book related thing that ever happened to you?

Did you ever thought the girl working behind the counter at the comic store was there for you to date? Did you find out otherwise?

I'll start... I can't bring myself to open any one of my five poly-bagged copies of Superman #75, "The Death of Superman".

47 comments:

Big Mike said...

Devon, considering that you're the guy who puts my copy of Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane in my sub every month, I find it odd that you feel any shame about your comic related behavior.

I feel your pain. Inside every comic fan is a comic collector; that kid who one day dreams of selling that perfectly kept copy of X-Force #1 on ebay for a zillion dollars. Good luck getting cover price. I just in the past few years finally broke down and busted open my issues of Infinity Gauntlet, and that's not even a good comic!

Anonymous said...

I bought the first issue of the third Jonah Hex Vertigo series. I read it and when I got to the end with that bear-headed (as in his head looked llike a grizzly bear) baby nursing on that woman's breast I got so made I took it back to the store, tossed it on the counter and demanded that they NOT give me my money back just to teach me a lesson.

The guy behind the counter looked really puzzled and then refiled the book & kept my money.

Monty said...

I bought Adolescent Radioactive Black Belt Hamsters. More than one issue, too!

Anonymous said...

Huh. Jonah Hex has yet to let me down. Oh... wait *gasp* That Hex series when he was in future and it was just called "Hex." That was embarrassing.
It just occurred to me. How many more comics have I repressed?

Bahlactus said...

Shamefully I put some hard earned dividends down on Super Bad James Dynomite, thinking that joint would have some undercover brother type fire. You know I walked away with 3rd degree burns after that one!

Haole said...

Can't think of any real comics that really shamed me... I did pick up the first issue of Wildcats: Nemesis when I saw the Morrison name on the cover. I'd heard at WonderCon that Grant Morrison was going to be writing Wildcats, so I was excited.

Except, of course, that Robbie Morrison wrote Wildcats: Nemesis. Yeah.

That's probably it. Oh, while in college I ran into (not literally) the propietier of my childhood LCS in the porn section of a video store.

Oh, and I once slept with a girl, who, the morning after, looked on my floor and said, "You read comic books?!?!" Never talked to her again.

Scipio said...

"Night Force". In the '80s I went to conventions to complete my "Night Force" collection.

Sigh.

Chris Sims said...

When I was 14, I wrote a paper for English II defending Jeph Loeb and Rob Liefeld's Captain America #1.

I win.

Dave Ziegler said...

Chris Sims said:
"When I was 14, I wrote a paper for English II defending Jeph Loeb and Rob Liefeld's Captain America #1.

I win"

I have to agree. As a high school English teacher, if ANY student of mine turned in an essay defending Loeb/Liefeld's Captain America, I'd be hard pressed not to:
A. Give them the failing grade they so richly deserve.
B. Call CPS, because their parents are CLEARLY neglecting them.
C. Recommend serious counseling to help them overcome their psychological issues.

Yes, Chris Sims, you definitely win. =)

Jon Hex said...

I own multiple issues of NFL SuperPro. And back then, I loved them.

Sometimes, I wake up crying.

Anonymous said...

Big Mike -- SMLMJ rocks, dude!

Chris -- You win.

Just today, the bar code reader at my comics shop had problems with one of my purchases, causing two store reps to have to enter the code by hand. With great care. From Tarot.

-- Jack of Spades

Tom Foss said...

I own a full run of "Brigade." I bought a copy of "Youngblood v.1" #1 because I thought it might be worth something. I have an Avengelyne #1/2 from Wizard (and no other Avengelyne comic) and most of the "Babewatch" Image crossover. I have a volume and a half of "Black & White," and I read my full collection of "Wildstar" until I could understand it. Which was at least four times. And I only kind of thought I got it.

But, far and away, my most embarrassing purchase was the first issue of "Marville." I bought a lot of stupid comics when I was a kid, and I can justify those by reminding myself that I was a pubescent nerdy kid whose main source of boobs was through comic books. And so, at the time, they provided some measure of enjoyment.

But Marville? I bought Marville #1 with my own money, and I have never, ever, ever wanted my money back for a comic before or since then.

Anonymous said...

There is the this issue of Iron man where he is fighting a guy in orange and pink polka dot jammies with LOBSTER TENTACLES COMING OUT OF THE GUY'S HEAD.

This is the Golden Avenger.

And the lobster guy is winning.

jonni said...

I remember getting a couple of issues of Prophet a while back, and I have to say I kinda enjoyed it, and I have no idea why...

In fact I'd probably try an track back issues if i had less sense.

Chris Griswold said...

Don't worry, jonni. Even though I haven't looked at it in years, I know deep in my heart that Stephen Platt's art is totally awesome.

Mike Loughlin said...

I had too many comics to effectively hide them from any girlfriends in high school, so I always made sure the one at the top of the stack was something mature.

Like Hellstorm.

How could any girl resist a guy with such sophisticated tastes that he read Hellstorm?

CalvinPitt said...

I continued to buy Uncanny X-Men through the entire Chuck Austen run.

Granted, the first 15 issues or so were because I wasn't paying attention to whose name was listed as writer, so I had no clue Joe Casey left, but thet's really no excuse for the next 20+ issues.

Anonymous said...

I really liked Untamed, one of those Epic 'Heavy Hitters' books from years ago. CBR, Comics should be good, recently just cornholed that one. Admittedly, it didn't read that smoothly, but I thought it was energetic, and now all my tastes seem questionable.

I'm also pretty sure I publicly admitted liking the Rob Liefeld-related Battlestar Galactica series from a few years back. In Wizard. Good lord, I may have been approaching Tony Stark blood alcohol levels back then...

Verbatim said...

I once traded a copy of Sandman #1 for a copy of Youngblood #1.

If that fact ever becomes known to my wife, she may well divorce me.

suedenim said...

I am currently ammassing Gold Key "Man From UNCLE" comics, for the sole purpose of ammassing a complete run of "Jet Dream" backup series.

David said...

I had a full run of Kickers, inc as well as Merc. The goggles! They do nothing!

Amy Reads said...

Hi Devon,
I geeked out so bad in My Local once in a discussion of Wonder Woman that I out-geeked, and embarrassed, my husband.

I out-geeked my husband.

I *out-geeked* my husband.

Ciao,
Amy, who did, however, earn the eternal love and devotion of My Local's female owner :)

Harvey Jerkwater said...

Ha! Scipio, you hunted far and wide for a full run of Night Force? I did the same thing! I still have them, deep in the bowels of my longbox closet.

Gene Colan art makes me do strange things.

Not a good series. Nope.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I have many comic-related skeletons in my closet.

1) I liked Rob Liefeld's artwork, before I realized he drew the same 7 or so poses all the time and is incapable of drawing backgrounds.

2) I still have Midnight Son: Ghost Rider/Blaze in it's original plastic, unopened.

3) I kept on numbly buying Avengers after Roger Stern left, hoping it would get better. It didn't until about a bazillion issues later when Bob Harras took over.

4) I own several issues of 'Samurai Penguin'. Don't laugh! It's actually pretty good.

5) I used to cut up 'Wizard' magazines for the superhero pictures (whether they were characters I was familiar with or not) and taped them up all over my room. I look back now and realize there's a reason I didn't have any girlfriends until I went to college.

6) I used to make up my own characters and create 'Marvel Handbook'-style profiles of them.

OK, that's enough shame for now...

Anonymous said...

ha!
as recently as this year I had a nearly complete run of "Lara Croft, tomb raider" from about # 20 up to the title's demise with #50 or so...

Plus cross overs.

Although to my defense, Adam Hughes drew many of the covers...

Dr. M.

SallyP said...

Hah! You ALL lose. I actually bought several issues of that gawdawful Marvel/British dreck known as Hell's Angel, with huge cross-overs with the X-men. Oh God, the shame.

I also have the Punisher/Archie cross-over, but I actually like that.

Anonymous said...

I bought a variant issue of the ill-fated Doom's IV from Image back in the day for it's investment value! After that someone should have made me ride the short bus to school.

William said...

Well, recently, I purchased VIP #1. You know, adapting Pam Anderson's turn of the century tour de force?

Don't worry, it was from a $1 box, but that was still too much to pay for that book. The kicker is that it's "to be continued" and I'm never gonna find the other 2 issues. Laugh all you want, but they don't make good "bad saturday afternoon dramedies" like that anymore! I still can't believe I bought the comic. And this is coming from a guy who paid for Alf comics...

P.S. my word verification is "diqutgqx". 20 bucks says that this is the hottest anime property of 2007.

Jeff Rients said...

Today I riffled through the local shops 50 cent boxes for the first time in maybe a decade. All the sins of my youth were on display: Valiant, 2099, Image, the Rise of the Supermen. It's like they stocked my entire collection from circa 1995. It was crushing to see all those 'collectible' issues gathering dust in the bargain bin.

But I did find one issue of Bongo Super Heroes and an earlier indie incarnation of Jack Staff. I may go back and get all the Sensational She-Hulk issues they had, once I convince myself that its worth the ribbing my wife will give me for all the big green cheesecake covers.

Anonymous said...

There are so many. Just today in fact. I was at work (video store) and my co-worker said Superman was a boring character. Enraged I started defending the Man of Steel. My diatribe was so vehement, so engrossing that I failed to notice the three customers in the store were all laughing. That's sad. Then one brought up the Lake House. I got laughed at by someone who rented a romance starring Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. That's even more sad.

Jon Hex said...

My co-worker was telling me about Ultimate Alliance (I was barely paying attention) and when he said something disparaging about a hero with a shield and A on his forehead, I yelled, "Don't you EVER say anything against Captain America!"

Whose side are YOU on?

Jeff_W said...

Trencher, all of it, including the X-Mas specials, which as I recall were published several years after the original 4 issue "series."

Also, lots and lots of Dark Horse Alien, Predator, and Terminator comics.

Guy Alice said...

Batman: Masque, an Elseworld take on Phantom of the Opera. Actually, most of the Elseworlds I own are pretty embarassing

The Doc said...

The most skeleton in my long box is that I have all the issues of Jeph Loeb, Walt Simonson, and Rob Leifeld's Avengers. I was young and foolish, and I liked the Avengers (not sure if those are related).

Anonymous said...

I bought the variant covers of Brad Meltzer's Justice League of America #2 and #3. I regretted that purchase before I even got back home from the comic store.

I know that doesn't sound incredibly shameful in and of itself right now, but the clincher is that I don't even like to read or support Brad Meltzer's work. At all.

Anonymous said...

This one time I tried to recreate Dr. Erkskine's "super-soldier" serum...

... Big mistake.

Hale of Angelthorne said...

Excalibur Annual #1.

Though, to be honest, I'm more embarassed for the industry that it even exists, since it is the single worst comic book ever written. Seriously. It's just that bad. It is, as Crom is my witness, a Mary Sue story featuring what I can only assume is Evan Skolnick's D&D character ("Khaos"), featuring such lines as "...all the while we grew richer and more adept at our chosen specialities..."
I feel severe intestinal distress just glancing at the pages, which features hyperthyroidal artwork like Rob Liefield, only without the talent.

Anonymous said...

My most embarassing comic purchase to date... I bought a complete set of The A-Team #1-3 for the actual cover price.

Most embarassing comic-related event... I wrote a letter in to Marvel Tales complaining about how the quality of the art in the Spider-Man books was suddenly so poor. I hadn't realized yet that A) just because a book has Spider-Man on the cover means it's the same title as any other book that has Spider-Man on the cover, and B) I was complaining about a reprint of Amazing #6 by Steve Ditko!

Anonymous said...

I had a subscription to Marvel Age.

I maybe bought 1 or 2 other comics a month at the time, I had a really limited budget as a kid. But I always had money for Marvel Age. I even bought all the Annuals.

Also, I only had enough cash to steadily buy one New Universe title. It was Kickers, Inc.

I distinctly remember being very very excited to pick up Secret Wars II #9.

Anonymous said...

I own Rob Liefeld's HEROES REBORN: AVENGERS #1. And I bought it knowing full well how bad it was reputed to be.

graig said...

"5) I used to cut up 'Wizard' magazines for the superhero pictures (whether they were characters I was familiar with or not) and taped them up all over my room. I look back now and realize there's a reason I didn't have any girlfriends until I went to college."

Oh my god... you're not alone on that one my friend.... I literally had my walls covered to the point that I'd started taping things to the ceiling.

And just to note as well, I must've bought enough copies of Wizard (and Hero and other horrid "we tell you what to buy" magazines) to do such a thing which is shameful on its own.

Anonymous said...

When I was a kid I attempted to return some random Malibu comic to a drug store because I objected to the sexual content in it. Truth is, I was just confused and frightened by the way a topless Mantra made me feel in my pants.

I showed the panels to my mother and asked her to take me to the drug store so that I could get my money back for it. I tried to explain to the people at the store that I was offended by the content but they would not give me a refund. It was against their policy. I tossed the comic into the trash on my way out of the store. My mommy was proud of me.

And after that I quickly learned to simply hide any comics that confused me in such exciting ways. Of course now I wish I still had the comic so I could see what I was so scandalized by.

Ed Sizemore said...

Zombie King #1
Marvel Mangaverse: Ghost Rider

There is not need to elaborate on either. If you've read them, you know my shame. If you haven't, then you owe God more than you can repay for your good fortune.

Anonymous said...

Hey, I actually found the image of a topless Mantra that shocked me so deeply.

redlib said...

When I first started reading comics, I was reading a Spider-Man and asked the comic store guy- and a patron- about Flash Thompson becoming the Flash.
They shook their heads- but I probably got some she's-a-girl slack- and one said something about the 2 universes of the lifelong comic reader.

My vomic moment. Total eye-lemon.

Anonymous said...

AN EMBARRASSING COMIC-RELATED MOMENT EH...

REMEMBER HOW LAUREL AND HARDY SPENT HOURS GETTING THAT PLAYER PIANO UP THAT HUGE FLIGHT OF STAIRS ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT THERE WAS EASY ROAD ACCESS TO THE FRONT OF THE HOUSE?

WELL, ON ARRIVING AT THE SHEFFIELD POLYTECHNIC MART (IN ENGLAND)FOR THE FIRST TIME, MY AMATEUR-DEALER-PARTNER AND MYSELF PARKED ILLEGALLY NEAR THE FRONT DOOR AND, IGNORING THE PROTESTS OF A DOORMAN, WE UNLOADED A VAST NUMBER OF COMICS INTO THE MAIN FOYER THEN PARKED UP THE VAN.

REALIZING THAT THE MART VENUE WAS ON THE 3RD. FLOOR AND DOWN A LONG CORRIDOR AND, BY SOD’S LAW BECAUSE TIME WAS AGAINST US, ON THE FURTHEST POINT FROM THE ENTRANCE OF THE VAST MART ROOM ITSELF, WE FRANTICALLY LOADED UP A LIFT BEFORE FINDING IT WAS OUT OF ACTION.

EACH ARMED WITH THREE HEAVY BOXES AT A TIME (RUNNING OUT OF TIME BEFORE THE MART OPENED) WE SCURRIED UP THE STAIRS TO THE VENUE AND ACROSS THAT BALLROOM-SIZED ROOM TO OUR TABLE.

THE TWO OF US MADE THIS EXHAUSTING TRIP ABOUT A DOZEN TIMES (THUS LEAVING MANY BOXES UNGUARDED AND AT THE MERCY OF PASSERS-BY) AS WE FRANTICALLY SET UP OUR TABLE BEFORE ALL THE BIG-SPENDING CUSTOMERS BOUGHT ELSEWHERE.

WE MANAGED TO GET SET UP IN TIME BUT NEITHER OF US EVER QUITE RECOVERED FROM THE EXPERIENCE.

AT THE END OF THE MART SOMEONE OPENED THE FIRE DOORS NEXT TO OUR TABLE AND WE DISCOVERED TO OUR SURPRISE THAT EVERY OTHER DEALER HAD SIMPLY PARKED THEIR VANS JUST OUTSIDE ON THE PAVEMENT WHICH WAS GROUND LEVEL ON THIS SIDE OF THE BUILDING, SUCH IS THE HILLY TOPOGRAPHY OF SHEFFIELD.

OH HOW WE LAUGHED! (NOT)

Sean said...

Just a few days ago, I was reading WIRED magazine, and there was this odd little column which I started to reading. It was something about which kind of scientist (physicist, geologist, etc.) is the coolest, but I didn't realize that until later, thanks to the first half of the second sentence of the introduction, which I will now reprint, unaltered for your viewing horror.
"Everyone knows that Spider-Man can kick Captain America's ass, but..."
I stood there for a moment, dumbfounded, in the magazine section of the local store. Then, without consciously realizing my actions, I punched the magazine. I literally, physically punched the page I was reading.
And, sure, it was embarrassing to me and the rest of the crowd there at the time.
But I don't regret it one bit.