Thursday, August 11, 2005

Character Donations #69-73


“Seven Hells!” would like to nominate THE TEEN TITANS for donation to Marvel.

Scip of “The Absorbascon” fame’s new religion is the hate he heaps upon a Mr. Marv Wolfman. He hates all things Wolfman. He refers to “Starfire” as "the turd.” I hate him for that. She’s one of my fictional “baby’s mamas.” A man should never attack another man’s fictional “baby’s mama.” I will not give Scip the satisfaction of sending my beloved Titans over to Marvel.

I will send over Dan Jurgens’ though. How could you not?

Five Earth women were chosen for experimentation by the evil alien empire, The H’San Natall, creating five half alien/half human superheroes no one will give a dang about.

RISK: A MUTANT with super-strength, speed and stamina.

JOTO: Generates intense heat from his bare hands.

PRYSM: Controls light. (So does anyone flicking a light switch, hon.)

FRINGE: He has powers and his parents threw him off a bridge.

ARGENT: Generates silver plasma. (Baby, give up crimefighting. Crap in a bucket and make yourself rich.)

Separate, they’re outcasts, fighting nemeses like…Dark Nemisis, together they fight one another, bickering and crying, angst-ing on one another’s shoulder as X-Men often do.

Sorry, I couldn’t help myself.

Together, they suck the wind out of sails.

Together, they AREN’T The Teen Titans!

6 comments:

Amy said...

They even sound sound like mutants.

Obscure nouns having something vague to do with my power? Check!

Scipio said...

I do NOT call Starfire 'the Turd', Devon!

I call her the FLYING Turd, and that's based on her Heroclix sculpt.

IL said...

Is the project here to simply dump bad characters from one company to another, thus making Marvel disproportionately crappier, or is the project here to take characters which are vaguely similar to another company's characters and dump them in that other company, thus making both company's properties more homogenous and therefore more boring?

Devon said...

No, It's actually just to have fun within my two favorite hobbies: writing and comics.

The same project could be done from a Marvel perspective. Last time I checked anyone could come on Blooger and create their own blog. You should try it. I think your reading experience just may become a bit broader once you write something other than questions you don't really want answers for. Do or don't. I have little patience for rhetoric.

Alexi Sivana said...

Errrr.....

Isn't Joto dead?

I may not be too keen on Marvel these days but leaving that on their doorstep is a little rude....

But, given scipio's description of her, maybe you should put Starfire in a paperbag and set it on fire before you ring the doorbell and run!

Devon said...

I don't know how I know this. Jurgens somehow brought Joto back to life in last issue of his Teen Titans run.

BTW, Scip will pay...dearly for offending my house.

Oh, yes, he will.