Sunday, April 02, 2006


Because Of You, We're All Taking Golden Showers.

It happened like most things in my life happen: with three dollars and the best of intentions.

I went out and bought the four issues that comprised 1985's Jonni Thunder AKA Thunderbolt. I now kinda wished that I hadn't. It's just indefensibly bad. I drug the four issues around back, shot 'em. Later on, a little boy named Calvin came by and promptly urinated on them. OK, they weren't that bad. I could sit here and explain why it was pretty bad but where would I start? The robot cockroach, the abysmally written Chandler-esque dialogue, the pink t-shirt wearing male secretary she'd nicknamed "Sunshine" just so she can walk through a door saying, "Good morning, Sunshine?"

Whenever she walks through that door, I imagine Sunshine secretly mumbling under his breath, "Come a little closer so I can hug you around the neck with my hands, b****."

What struck me the most about trying to read Jonni Thunder AKA Thunderbolt was that it never should have had a chance. It was designed as a legacy character to the Golden Age character, Johnny Thunder but it ran into a small problem called "Crisis On Infinite Earths." Due to massive continuity upheavals, virtually everything in Jonni Thunder AKA Thunderblot was rendered unusable. Trust me, that was a good thing because Jonni Thunder wasn't.

I choose to focus on something else: Roy Thomas' love for Golden Age DC Comics.

If it weren't for Roy Thomas, I doubt that we'd all be giving even half a damn about DC Comics as they are today.

For those who remember All-Star Squadron was essentially Roy Thomas' monthly love letter to DC's Golden Age characters and their Quality & Fawcett acquisitions. It was a very good thing and something that lead, in my opinion, to an even greater thing.

Something lost. Something we weren't ready for. Something beautiful.

But... that is another story for another day.

Like tomorrow?

I can't remember the whole series, but I read most of it and it was dreck. But, the assistant in the pink T-shirt with the nickname Sunshine ("Good morning, Sunshine"-BWA-HA-HA) is BRILLIANT, and belongs in Manhunter.

Just one 'mo-ment with her blond assistant in a pink shirt after a night with Todd Rice.. Perfect I tell you.

The rest of it must stop there.
I haven't read Jonni Thunder, and I'm sure it's terrible, but love for Roy Thomas is always something I can get behind. Especially All-Star Squadron, which I love more than is reasonable. I can't wait to read whatever you have to say about it.
Sometimes I think the internet is taking away the magic of comics. Case in point: there was a character in the old Stormwatch series I thought was pretty cool. She was kind of a tough-talking broad, a blonde who wore white suits and could turn herself into a bolt of lightning. She had close ties to a lot of Golden and Siver Age analogue types. I'm not sure how I feel about lightning striking twice, here.
I can't imagine Warren Ellis ever read Jonni Thunder, much less decided to rip it off.
Even if he didn't read it, that doesn't mean they didn't both get the idea from a third party, like a pop star or a cult movie or something.
1985 Jonni Thunder
1989 Blackadder Goes Forth

Just sayin'...
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