Saturday, August 20, 2005
Character Donation #79
In 1976, Eric Needham got himself hooked on drugs. While strung-out on smack, his silly ass was too high to realize he was robbing his own father's liquor store. He COULD have known drugs were bad for him but it was four years too early for Nancy Reagan to create a "Just Say "No!" To Drugs" campaign.
Needless to say, he shot his own father. Oh, Protector! You were born too late!
So, he gets arrested and somehow CONVINCES HIMSELF IT WAS THE DRUG PUSHERS' FAULT FOR SELLING HIM THE DRUGS, CAUSING HIM, in effect, TO KILL HIS OWN FATHER.
Not him. The drug dealers.
Cocaine's a hell of a drug.
He cleans himself up, bulks up and begins to stockpile weapons upon his release from prison, vowing vengeance upon his father's killers. He dawns a Spider-Man-esque costume in order to lure Gotham's criminal element into the web of...THE BLACK SPIDER! "Sucking" hasn't been the same since.
Note to all future drug addicts, when and if you clean yourself up after shooting your father while on drugs, it is your fault. Not the drug dealers. Thinking like this says you should spend the rest of your life getting your ass kicked by someone like The Marvel Universe's Daredevil, not Batman. You don't deserve to be in a universe where The Protector and The Keebler Elves dwell. Kids, listen to The Protector...