Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Ten Heroes To Liven Up Your Holiday Party: Jonah Hex

Roy Raymond: Hello, America. I'm Roy Raymond, TV Detective. It was the massacre that shocked America. (Gesturing at a nightclub, surrounded by yellow tape.)

It all started out innocently enough. A "Player's Ball." A gathering of "gangsta rap's" best and brightest. A gathering of pimps, wanna-be pimps, hoes and wanna-be hoes.

No one's quite sure what happened in these doors behind me but one things for sure, the undertaker will be doing a brisk busy over the next few days.

What we do know is this: There was the usual talk of pulling out "the gat" and "shootin' the club up," but reports confirm it was all pretty much talk. At some point during the night, survivors reported a blinding flash of light and one lone man, stumbling from its wake. This man, reportedly, had a gun but did not immediately shoot it. Someone resembling Superboy was reportedly seen in the area inexplicably hitting things.


Reports vary but many said he simply went to the bar, ordered something with some "fire" to it and was, for some reason, given a drink with an umbrella in it. Words were exchanged, the next, many were dead.

Drink in hand and gun smoking, the shooter, reportedly laughed and said, "There's yer "gangsta."

His one outstanding facial features is his only having half of his face. The shooter is said to be armed and spectacularly dangerous. If you see him, do not approach him, contact the local authorities.

The club has never been quite as shot up as it was on this very night. Now, back to Jack Ryder in the "You Are Wrong" studio.

3 comments:

CalvinPitt said...

In other news, Harvey Dent is suing the Gotham Police for wrongful arrest in this shooting, claiming he had nothing to do with it, that he enjoys umbrella drinks, and besides, he does have both halves of his face, one is just profoundly ugly.

Which half, we'll never know. (I know, it's an easy joke, but I blanked on any other comics characters with a scarred half-face)

SallyP said...

Haw! But seriously, how hard is it for a man to get a little redeye anyway?

Anonymous said...

I think I just wet myself with happiness.

I just want to know if he was wearing a Road Reaper outfit?