Maury: We're back! I'd like for you to meet "Cheshire." Cheshire...

Cheshire (Jumping out of her chair) : Bring his ass out! Bring his ass out, Maury!

Maury: Cheshire... sit down... Cheshire claims that this man... (Audience starts booing.)


Maury: Roy, is the father of her beautiful daughter, Lian.

(Lian appears on screen, audience, "Awwwws.")
Maury: Cheshire, why is Roy claiming not to be the father of your child?

Cheshire: 'Cause he a l'il bitch, is why!


Cheshire: Maury, look at her! Look at her! She look just like his broke ass!

Maury: Well, let's bring his "broke ass" out. Roy?

(Roy walks out to a chorus of boos and downturned thumbs)
Roy (in the Arsenal costume, middle fingers held high) : Oh, HELL NO! What's up, Maury. That bitch just wants me for my money!


Cheshire: Trash, you ain't got no money! Your "daddy," Ollie* is the one with the money! If money was the case, I should have given this (slaps her bottom) to his goofy ass! Besides, I heard he likes to dip his plum sauce in the pho, anyway!


(*Roy is the ward of Oliver Queen, The Green Arrow, who has two bi-racial children of, guess what... Asian descent.)

Maury: Roy, what leads you to believe that you aren't this child's father.

Roy (Pointing an arrow towards the screen) : Look at her, Maury! She don't look nothing like me! I got "good" red hair all over my body, she don't. I got some Indian blood in me, too. This child got Chinese eyes, I don't.

Cheshire (hissing) : I'm Vietnamese, asshole. Besides, what I want with a heroin addict?


Roy (sneering) : Did she tell you that she used to be a prostitute? Anybody could be that baby's daddy.

Cheshire (sneering) : I was a slave, asshole! A SLAVE!!!!

Roy: Biiiiiiig difference. I just "hit & quit" like everybody else, Maury!

Maury: Well, let's find out for sure! Here are the DNA results... Maury (putting on reading glasses) : Roy... in the case of Lian....

Maury: YOU ARE THE FATHER!

Roy: Oh, Hell NAW! (Runs backstage to where Donna Troy is waiting.)

Cheshire (waving the results) : SEE?!? TOLD YOU! TOLD YOU! Yeah, bitch! I'ma get me some child support! I'ma start treating your ass like a terrorist nation!

Killer Moth: Hey, Catman! Get your fat ass in here! You've gotta see this wild sh*t!

Catman: Coming! (walks into the room carrying a bag of Cheetos) What'd I miss?

Killer Moth: You'd know if you'd waddled your fat ass in here sooner. God! Look at you. You're pathethic! You've totally let yourself go. Geez, what woman'd want you?

Labels: New Earth Theatre