Wednesday, May 30, 2007


Big Monkey Podcast Is A-Go!!!!

The first Big Monkey Comics Podcast is up featuring myself*, Ben of Those Wednesdays, Jon Hex of Jon Hex Lives, Jon of Facedown In The Gutters and Scipio of The Absorbascon.

Thrill to my Orson Welles-like portrayal of Black Manta!

Shudder at the thought of Jon Carey podcasting, semi-drunk!

Listen to me tell Scip to shut up!

Be the first to listen to comics bloggings first super-group! We're like The Power Station and Jon is that dude on the drums.

*I can't be held responsible for what happens to you after listening to the amount of "kick-ass" running through your speakers.


Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Earth Shattering: The Club Mix

Looking back at the previous post, I think I was a bit tad too cryptic... or people actually are that interested in Dawnstar's crotch.

What I was actually aiming for was the fact that we've been looking at things all wrong.

After the re-inststement of The Multiverse within the pages of 52, we've all thrilled at the possibilities involved in having 52 Earths. We've regained Earths 10, 2, 4, 50 and so on, but somewhere in there, one question went unasked.

"Where's Earth-1?"

Some said Earth One was "New Earth," the event horizon for events such as 52, Infinite Crisis and Identity Crisis.

I say that is wrong. "New Earth" is simply New Earth.

Earth-1 has come and we've been looking at it all along. The first clue and most important clue was found in Justice League of America #0.

This is The League of Earth-1.

Notice how the Big Three end at the logos? Logos, with characters constantly going between revamps, nowadays are a dead giveaway in regards to timeline.

Notice how they quite non-chalantly mention The Flash as if he were still around? That's because he does. Did you really think they were referring to Bart Allen? Earth-1 exists as a pre-Crisis Earth-1 where Dawnstar lives alongside other wiped-out-of-existence Legionnaires such as Blok. Where Jimmy Olsen can become Elasti-Lad without even thinking about it. "New Earth" Jimmy has only displayed the ability to become elastic once in post-Crisis history.

Earth-1 is a world where Despero appears as he did pre-Crisis On Infinite Earths, tunic and all.

Earth-1 has been insinuating itself on New Earth. Not every knows this, though.

Especially "Bowtie Earth-1 Jimmy Olsen." The most telling clue is his surprise at going elastic. "New Earth Jimmy" doesn't do anything but bitch, moan and take jobs from Superman's other pal, Clark Kent.

"Bowtie Earth-1 Jimmy" shouldn't exist on New Earth. The Monitors know this and therefore...


Thursday, May 24, 2007


Earth Shattering

I asked myself, "What the hell is going on on New Earth?!?"

The Justice League of America are looking at old photos of a meeting with The Earth Two Justice Society of America.

Jimmy Olsen can, again, become elastic.

Despero's appearance has reverted back its original horizontal fin and tunic look over his "Savage Dragon-lite."
Dawnstar, a character who hasn't appeared since The Crisis On Infinite Earths, has returned in the pages of Justice League of America.

Suddenly, it, no pun intended, dawned on me. I've been asking the wrong question. It shouldn't be "What the hell is going on on New Earth?"

After watching Jimmy Olsen become Elastic Lad, the return of The Legion in their Pre-Crisis uniforms, retro-Despero and old JLA/JSA photos, the question we should be asking is:

"What does Earth One want with New Earth?"


Monday, May 21, 2007


27 Things Right (Again or All Along) With The DC Universe

After reading this, I was inspired to list 52 things right with The DC Universe. Here are 27.

1. Ra's al Ghul is dead.

2. Still dead.

3. Bruce Wayne adopted both Tim Drake AND Dick Grayson.

4. Dick Grayson and Barbara Gordon are the same age now.

5. No matter what the 80's might have shown you, keep it that Batman & Dick Grayson actually like AND respect one another.

6. John Constantine's last DCU appearance was in a Kyle Rayner comic. There's something beautiful and pathetic going on there.

7. The occasional Swamp Thing reference. Used sparingly, it makes the DCU just that much weirder.

8. Jason Rusch's Firestorm. Shows you what Firestorm could have been if Ronny Raymond cared.

9. Detective Comics actually being DETECTIVE Comics again.

10. Don't change the fact that Mon-El planted the seeds that led to The United Planets. It's one of the most brilliant pieces of retconning ever conceived.

11. The Sinestro Corps. The Green Lantern Corps should have an evil equivalent.

12. The Green Lantern Corpse. The Green Lantern Corps should have a team to address The Sinestro Corps.

13. Mr. Terrific's constant referencing of himself as "The Third Smartest Man In The World." It keeps him humble even though in our hearts, we all know better.

14. The Brave and The Bold. The DCU is a HUGE place. There should always be a team-up title.

15. Batman's treatment of a teenaged Blue Beetle in The Brave and The Bold #3 showed him as a father who also happens to be Batman. Let's have more of that.

15. Keep Starfire in space. She works great as DC's Barbarella.

16. Taking Sgt. Rock away from Vertigo and putting him back where he works best, in the DCU Universe.

17. Big Barda's nonchalance concerning her husband's current "death." She knows that cheating death is what he does so, why worry?

18. Alan Scott's departure from Gotham City signalled its gradual decline.

19. People in The DC Universe get to smoke cigarettes.

20. Mr. Bones is a cigar smoking skeleton.

21. After two stints in The Teen Titans and one in The Freedom Fighters, Damage is where he belonged the whole time: The Justice Society of America.

22. Rebranding classic DCU titles. The name "Showcase Presents" being used as a banner for classic black and white reprints, "Who's Who in The DC Universe" becoming a toy line, "Secret Six" repurposed as a rag-tag team for "forgotten" & "lost" super-villains. Rebranding gives these classic titles new life while maintaing a sense of nostalgia.

23. Having every Justice Leaguer takes an oath on the cloak of the DCU's first costumed hero, The Crimson Avenger.

24. In Robin, Cassie Cain, the former Batgirl, is still crazy.

25. Wonder Woman co-founded The Justice League of America.

26. Jonah Hex, in the past, remembers the future.

27. Hex's ending.

Hey, kids! Add your own!


Friday, May 18, 2007


19 Questions & 1 Statement

1. An olive with two pimentos? ( Aquaman: Sword of Atlantis #52)

2. Where's Firestorm, The Nuclear Man?

3. Who in their right mind wouldn't acknowledge Batman as THE alpha-male? (Batman #665)

4. You really don't ever want to be on Tim Drake's bad side, do you? (Batman #665)

5. Are you as excited as I am that Sean McKeever's going to be writing The Teen Titans?

6. Jimmy, did Lucy Lane return your bowties? (Countdown #50)

7. How bad are things in The DCU when the only one making sense is The Joker? (Countdown #50)

8. The Rogues know how to get down, huh? (Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #12 & Countdown #50)

9. When'd Mary Marvel get so... jaded? (Countdown #50)

10. How clever are those Countdown UPC boxes that countdown along with Countdown?

11. You are reading Countdown, right?

12. Does The Multiverse negate Hypertime?

13. Things aren't looking so good for ol' Bart, huh? (Flash: The Fastest Man Alive #12)

14. Could Superman possibly be any more of a man than he is? (Action Comics #849)

15. Power Girl and Hawkman?!?!?!?

16. When did Mr. Terrific become T.O. Morrow? (Justice League of America #9)

17. Catwoman just may be DC's best monthly comic.

18. Are you as done with All-Star Batman & Robin as I am?

19. OK, am I the only one absolutely floored by artist Ale' Garza's belt designs in this week's Supergirl #17?

20. Is there anything more "DC Comics" than a "Supergirl vs. Supergirl" cliffhanger/smackdown? (Supergirl #17)


Thursday, May 17, 2007


At-Risk Youth

I keep hearing word that DC Comics is going to bring back The Suicide Squad.

Who knew we've always had one?

Danny Chase
Aquagirl (Tula)
Pantha (Rollin' on...)
Golden Eagle
Terra (but isn't dying kinda what she does?)
Donna Troy (but no one cares.)
Duela Dent, The Joker's Daughter
Robin (Jason Todd)
Kid Frankenstein
Dove (Don Hall)
Dove (Dawn Grainger)
Supergirl (I know. Which one?)
Teen Titans: Like The Suicide Squad, only with a higher mortality rate!


Thursday, May 10, 2007


19 Questions & 1 Statement

1. Would Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson make a better Black Adam or Captain Marvel?

2. According to Grant Morrison, Animal Man is only "on loan" to DC Comics?

3. So are all of those previous Wildstorm/DC crossovers now in-continuity?

4. Could any other characters possibly be any more sexier than Lady Blackhawk or Blackhawk?

5. Was it me but when Batman, I would add, wearing his '70's light blue cape, cowl, gloves & boots, smiled at Hawkgirl in issue 63, didn't it seem oddly comforting?

6. Where's Amethyst, Princess of Gemworld?

7. Did you know that one of The Fourth World's greatest concepts, The Source Wall, wasn't created in the DC Universe proper? (Courtesy of Ben)

8. Weren't the 52: Exit Interviews on Newsarama extremely informative?

9. Wizard, could you please stop ripping off gags from The Absorbascon?

10. Was there ever a back-up story more suited to be a lead than Dr. 13's in Tales of The Unexpected?

11. Black Manta is DC's version of sugar, isn't he? (Tales of The Unexpected #8)

12. May we please have some more Team 13?

13. Wouldn't Infectious Lass and Lady Cop be the greatest issue of The Brave and The Bold ever?

14. We need more back-up features and less decompression.

15. Is it safe to read Nightwing again?

16. Aren't you glad that we don't live in a time where Iron Man vs. Hawkman doesn't seem so one-sided anymore?

17. You know Hawkman would win, right?

18. Doesn't the ending to Countdown #51 only make you want to read The All-New Atom just that much more?

19. Everyone flirts with The Black Queen except for Batman, huh? (Outsiders #47)

20. Shouldn't I name my firstborn "Kid Amazo?"


Friday, May 04, 2007



With the revelation in 52 #52 of an all-new Multiverse, we here at "Seven Hells!" thought we'd show at least one of the Earths that didn't make the cut...

Ladies and gentlemen, Marvel at Earth 90!

On this earth, all there is is the sound of...


"He is a weapon." A douchebag is a weapon?

In a world fraught with danger, you need a man willing to wear a wifebeater while throwing out the rulebook. In these dark times, you need a...


In this world there is no Justice, only....


Earth 90!!!!!!!

A world where Blue Beetle lives to kick your azz anutha day was brought to you by the fine folks who also brought you...



*Note: This is to be read whilst listening to the opening strains of White Zombie's "More Human Than A Human."


Thursday, May 03, 2007


19 Questions And 1 Statement

1. How brilliant was it in 52 #50, Captain Marvel's going and doing exactly what a teenager would by changing Black Adam's password?

2. Is it just me but why is it so much easier to stomach The Dibneys as mystery-solving ghosts than as members of The Justice League?

3. If I can buy Mr. Terrific as a member of Checkmate & The Justice Society of America, why am I having such a hard time accepting Batman in JLofA and The Outsiders?

4. So, is she still Batwoman after 52?

5. Did 52 #52 make you miss Ted Kord as much as I do?

6. Why does Earth 50 excite me more now than ever?

7. The Outsiders are kinda soft, aren't they? (Checkmate #13)

8. Is "Jimmy Olsen Must Die" comics' ecquivalent of "Save the cheerleader, save the world?"

9. Will we ever see a return of a kindler, gentler Wonder Woman?

10. Is there anything more simplistic "The Terrible Trio?''

11. Why'd they have to go and complicate it in this week's Detective Comics?

12. How crazy is it that in Doctor Sivana's world everything can be solved by eating a child?

13. Aren't you a little sad that 52 is over?

14. Where's Scott McDaniel going after Green Arrow wraps up?

15. Is it me or does Earth 2 kinda look... oversexed?

16. When are we going to get the ineveitable team-up of the Joker's Daughter, The Riddler's Daugther and Ra's al Ghul's daughter, Talia?

17. Who was DC Comics' first Post-Crisis superhero?

18. How wild is it that the future of The Multiverse is in his hands?

19. How cool is it that Zatanna works from home while wearing lingerie? (Superman #662)

20. The teaming up of DC's first super-hero, The Crimson Avenger with the DCU's youngest and brightest character, Stargirl is why I love, love, LOVE DC Comics. (Justice League Unlimited #33)


Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Legion of "Super-Heroes"

While writing something else, I stumbled across something I'd never realized:

The real reason I could never get into The Legion of Super-Heroes.

Despite its having the name, "super-heroes" in its title, The Legion of Super-Heroes is anything but a superhero title.

It is a science fiction comic, first and foremost.

Sure, the things that make for good super-heroics can be found in the Legion's pages: alliterative names, costumes, but what it lacks is that one basic theme that makes a super-hero a super-hero.

By The Legion's very design, they are denied that one thing that makes a Superman, a Superman. A Batman, a Batman: pathos.

The Legion is all about "group-mind." Shared ideals that benefit all, a very social, very "Star Trek-ian" way of doing and thinking about things.

They lack the individual motivations needed in order to make the world a better place. There are no Joe Chills in their worlds, no mantles to pick up.

The Legion's motivation for doing what they do seemed to come more from lack of anything better to do than make the universe over into what they thought The Justice League would have wanted.

The Justice League, to me, seems more about helping mankind rise when, and only when,it falls. The best way of going about this is by allowing for a place where Batman, while working within a team dynamic, can still be be Batman, rough edges and all.

Sure, characters like Timber Wolf come in all growly and angry but what soon happens with these characters is that after an adventure or two, they start to have their rough edges smoothed over. The things that made them "them" are soon removed, revealing their personalities to be nothing more than affectation and/or loud cries for attention. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't this also how you man a Federation starship?

Look, I'm not a sci-fi fan and never will be. I can appreciate sci-fi themes but most are lost upon me. Which I think is why I can't find the appreciation for The Legion most super-hero fans have.

Please, tell me, am totally wrong about The Legion?